Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
