Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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