I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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