First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
