Duck Duck Cougar?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
