Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
