her vagine was all disorganized.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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