What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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