Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
