she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
