I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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