I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
