my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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