You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
