I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
