After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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