I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
