i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
