you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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