you have to choose: penises or morals?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
How's work?
Spinning.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
