do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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