either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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