I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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