Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
