i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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