i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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