I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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