Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
