no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
soo... how was my night?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
