Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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