Nicole vs. Life
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
