My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
