im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
