Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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