Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
All I want is dick and wine.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
