Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
