I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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