I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
