If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
