I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The Olympian is in my bed
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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