Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you had me at cake vodka
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
