Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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