I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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