yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
