Whod you bang
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
