Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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