$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
