I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
