I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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