broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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