Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
