i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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