It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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