Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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