Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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