Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize