apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
