I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
