I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
