Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
