The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
