I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
