I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
