Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
