when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
